On Being Imperfect
So I have always been a perfectionist. Maybe not in my appearance or tidiness but when it comes to behavior, achievements, grades and performance I like to "get it right" and I have a tendency to beat myself up about failing.
These past couple weeks my husband has been several hours away taking his 2nd year of instrumentation (which oddly has nothing to do with music), and I have been left to parent my 3 beautiful children on my own. This is always an exhausting and, at times, overwhelming challenge, and it has been like a huge magnifying glass on my abilities as a parent. And over the past couple weeks I have been struggling with feeling like just can't seem to get it right and that I just keep failing at doing this parenting thing right. Feeling as though my inability to control my attitude and frustration is harming my kids and will completely mess them up for life. I am so afraid that these precious formative years, in which they learn and absorb so much, are going to be wasted because of my failures and I won't create those happy, Jesus loving, well mannered kids. And it will all be my 'fault'!
There goes that perfection again! Only this time it has taken me 5 years to identify it as that.
My 3 year old took a little longer to go to sleep tonight and after being up a couple times I went in to get her empty bottle and in her sweet innocence asked if I wanted to cuddle (or cuddo as she says it) with her. I did and I told her I would love to. And it was as I was laying there with her praying for her, realizing that these years are so short and I wanted to just take an extra few minutes to show her how loved she is and allow myself to absorb a few more precious moments where I am not uptight because we are running late, eating meals, cleaning messes or settling disputes, something I found myself thinking I don't do enough.
In that moment God was able to speak to my heart that He didn't expect me to do it perfect. He didn't make me the perfect parent. He doesn't expect me to get it right ALL the time. I am here to love my kids with an imperfect love, only He can love them perfectly! There is no perfect parent! Good kids don't happen randomly, but they also aren't the result of some prefect parenting formula in which their parents were always patient and understanding, they are a result of God's grace despite our imperfections.
So there it is, you will make mistakes. You weren't designed to do it perfect. You are there to love the best you can. To strive to seek God to teach you, to allow these little humans teach you new lessons about character and self-control. But you will not always get it right...and that is OKAY! Love them, love them the best you can. And point them towards the only One who will never fail them, the One who loves you and them in the midst of messiness and failure.
I won't be perfect, I won't be the perfect parent. I can make mistakes. I will try again and again and again. But it is right there in my "weakness"and failure that I can point my kids to God unending grace and His perfect love.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
So keep loving imperfectly!
These past couple weeks my husband has been several hours away taking his 2nd year of instrumentation (which oddly has nothing to do with music), and I have been left to parent my 3 beautiful children on my own. This is always an exhausting and, at times, overwhelming challenge, and it has been like a huge magnifying glass on my abilities as a parent. And over the past couple weeks I have been struggling with feeling like just can't seem to get it right and that I just keep failing at doing this parenting thing right. Feeling as though my inability to control my attitude and frustration is harming my kids and will completely mess them up for life. I am so afraid that these precious formative years, in which they learn and absorb so much, are going to be wasted because of my failures and I won't create those happy, Jesus loving, well mannered kids. And it will all be my 'fault'!
There goes that perfection again! Only this time it has taken me 5 years to identify it as that.
My 3 year old took a little longer to go to sleep tonight and after being up a couple times I went in to get her empty bottle and in her sweet innocence asked if I wanted to cuddle (or cuddo as she says it) with her. I did and I told her I would love to. And it was as I was laying there with her praying for her, realizing that these years are so short and I wanted to just take an extra few minutes to show her how loved she is and allow myself to absorb a few more precious moments where I am not uptight because we are running late, eating meals, cleaning messes or settling disputes, something I found myself thinking I don't do enough.
In that moment God was able to speak to my heart that He didn't expect me to do it perfect. He didn't make me the perfect parent. He doesn't expect me to get it right ALL the time. I am here to love my kids with an imperfect love, only He can love them perfectly! There is no perfect parent! Good kids don't happen randomly, but they also aren't the result of some prefect parenting formula in which their parents were always patient and understanding, they are a result of God's grace despite our imperfections.
So there it is, you will make mistakes. You weren't designed to do it perfect. You are there to love the best you can. To strive to seek God to teach you, to allow these little humans teach you new lessons about character and self-control. But you will not always get it right...and that is OKAY! Love them, love them the best you can. And point them towards the only One who will never fail them, the One who loves you and them in the midst of messiness and failure.
I won't be perfect, I won't be the perfect parent. I can make mistakes. I will try again and again and again. But it is right there in my "weakness"and failure that I can point my kids to God unending grace and His perfect love.
"But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
So keep loving imperfectly!
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