It's A "Jesus Help me" Kind of Day
Ugh, what a day and it is not even noon yet. I thought it started off quite well but things soon spiraled downwards. Nothing really catastrophic but enough to kind of take the wind out of my sails.
The kids decided that I wasn't doing enough interior design and decided that the one wall in my house that only has primer and no paint needed some sprucing up with a blue dry erase marker. Now this is not so bad on a painted wall. Mr Clean magic eraser has been my friend several times when the kids have drawn on or randomly marked my walls; however, on this day Mr. Clean was no match for the masterpiece that now decorates the wall in my bedroom. So we continue on our day the kids picking on each other and randomly creating disaster everywhere they go (this is normal) then came the time of day when I finally decided we needed to get dressed and maybe face the world. At this point was starting to feel the need for adult interaction as the play date I had had for today cancelled and I had to come up with another plan. I could have go for coffee but I felt guilty doing that because there is lots to be done at home.
So it was off to Grandma's across the street instead! But before that could happen I had to dress the kids. First up Miss cranky pants (or more fittingly Miss I hate my pants) Lately she has through massive fits whenever I try to put clothes on her. And this morning I had just finished knitting a pair of pink leg warmers for her and wanted to dress her with those. so began the fit to put on the tights, and then the skirt and finally the leg warmers. There were a few tears, a lot of screaming, squirming and kicking. I had her on the table, in my lap, under my arm and at one point upside down. (I know you are probably thinking I should have just given up, but I didn't I was determined to get those leg warmers on her). Eventually we were finished and she was still crying. The only piece she didn't fight was her coat...because we were going to grandma's. Next came Zach, with a little prodding I got clothes on him but he didn't think he should wear his sweater...really not a big deal but with the mood I was in I was not about to lose a fight now. So on went the sweater over his pouting, complaining and resisting body. By the time we had accomplished all of this, who should walk in the door but Grandma. She was going to town.
This led to much more complaining on all our parts. Zach still wanted to go to Grandma's but I didn't because at that point it would be the same as being at home without adult company. So the long and the short is there was a fit the ensued, a decision whether to just go to town with Grandma, and a few more tears shed. The long and short is that a very defeated mom with two crying children decided to just stay home and deal with it all by myself.
I got one settled down and into her bed to sleep and the other full of peanut butter and jam and having some quiet time in his room. But as I was cleaning my kitchen (what I do when I am upset) contemplating my emotions and trying to sort out my feelings of defeat and feeling overwhelmed today, my first instinct was to blame myself. I must have been too busy this morning and given the kids enough attention. That is usually my first thought. Somehow it was my fault that things hadn't gone so well this morning and after a quick almost teary conversation with my husband (who just happened to unknowingly ask me how my day was going) I realized most of all that I just needed someone to tell me that it was alright. That it wasn't all my fault, that sometimes bad days happen and kids get cranky. In my head I keep refuting that and thinking that no if I had of spent more time playing with the kids and giving them attention my wall wouldn't be covered in blue marker. But this is life. Cutting myself some slack has not ever come easy to me. I expect a lot from myself, more then I expect from others and this leads to feeling like a failure. But bad days just happen, it is no ones "FAULT".
So the rest of the day? Well I could just spend the rest of the day relaxing and doing what I want and take a break but I think what I really need is to feel like I have accomplished something. So the kitchen will be cleaned so I can do a little baking, I will get to finishing a baby blanket that needs to be sent to its new little owner and I will take the kids for a walk, taking a deep breath and reminding myself that I can't do all of this on my own. I can't have grace for myself and love for my kids without reaching up my hands and saying "Jesus, please help me."
The kids decided that I wasn't doing enough interior design and decided that the one wall in my house that only has primer and no paint needed some sprucing up with a blue dry erase marker. Now this is not so bad on a painted wall. Mr Clean magic eraser has been my friend several times when the kids have drawn on or randomly marked my walls; however, on this day Mr. Clean was no match for the masterpiece that now decorates the wall in my bedroom. So we continue on our day the kids picking on each other and randomly creating disaster everywhere they go (this is normal) then came the time of day when I finally decided we needed to get dressed and maybe face the world. At this point was starting to feel the need for adult interaction as the play date I had had for today cancelled and I had to come up with another plan. I could have go for coffee but I felt guilty doing that because there is lots to be done at home.
So it was off to Grandma's across the street instead! But before that could happen I had to dress the kids. First up Miss cranky pants (or more fittingly Miss I hate my pants) Lately she has through massive fits whenever I try to put clothes on her. And this morning I had just finished knitting a pair of pink leg warmers for her and wanted to dress her with those. so began the fit to put on the tights, and then the skirt and finally the leg warmers. There were a few tears, a lot of screaming, squirming and kicking. I had her on the table, in my lap, under my arm and at one point upside down. (I know you are probably thinking I should have just given up, but I didn't I was determined to get those leg warmers on her). Eventually we were finished and she was still crying. The only piece she didn't fight was her coat...because we were going to grandma's. Next came Zach, with a little prodding I got clothes on him but he didn't think he should wear his sweater...really not a big deal but with the mood I was in I was not about to lose a fight now. So on went the sweater over his pouting, complaining and resisting body. By the time we had accomplished all of this, who should walk in the door but Grandma. She was going to town.
This led to much more complaining on all our parts. Zach still wanted to go to Grandma's but I didn't because at that point it would be the same as being at home without adult company. So the long and the short is there was a fit the ensued, a decision whether to just go to town with Grandma, and a few more tears shed. The long and short is that a very defeated mom with two crying children decided to just stay home and deal with it all by myself.
I got one settled down and into her bed to sleep and the other full of peanut butter and jam and having some quiet time in his room. But as I was cleaning my kitchen (what I do when I am upset) contemplating my emotions and trying to sort out my feelings of defeat and feeling overwhelmed today, my first instinct was to blame myself. I must have been too busy this morning and given the kids enough attention. That is usually my first thought. Somehow it was my fault that things hadn't gone so well this morning and after a quick almost teary conversation with my husband (who just happened to unknowingly ask me how my day was going) I realized most of all that I just needed someone to tell me that it was alright. That it wasn't all my fault, that sometimes bad days happen and kids get cranky. In my head I keep refuting that and thinking that no if I had of spent more time playing with the kids and giving them attention my wall wouldn't be covered in blue marker. But this is life. Cutting myself some slack has not ever come easy to me. I expect a lot from myself, more then I expect from others and this leads to feeling like a failure. But bad days just happen, it is no ones "FAULT".
So the rest of the day? Well I could just spend the rest of the day relaxing and doing what I want and take a break but I think what I really need is to feel like I have accomplished something. So the kitchen will be cleaned so I can do a little baking, I will get to finishing a baby blanket that needs to be sent to its new little owner and I will take the kids for a walk, taking a deep breath and reminding myself that I can't do all of this on my own. I can't have grace for myself and love for my kids without reaching up my hands and saying "Jesus, please help me."
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