The Choice I Make
I have been contemplating a month or so on writing this blog. I wanted to make sure I was doing it from the best attitude and not in a hurt or accusing tone, so I will do the best I can.
I have this personality flaw...it is call talking...well actually it is spouting off an opinion without thinking about what I am actually saying or how it may sound to the other person and this opinion is often a negative one to which has been spoken by the other person. This is a problem, my husband has called me on it most, but other friends have too, so it is something that I have been trying to work on, not always successfully. However, it has made me more aware of it when other do this same thing to me and I don't like it.
So here is the reason for writing this post...
My husband and I have decided to have an scheduled c-section for this birth. And as soon as I write that I can hear what could possibly be going through the minds of some people:
"Have you thought about a v-bac?"
"I know of women who have sucessfully had a narutal birth after 2 previous sections.
"A natural birth is safer maybe you should try again?"
"You know they won't let you have any more kids after 3 section?"
"A c-section is just easier birth."
"You just need a doula."
I have answers to all of these questions and more but the truth of the matter is that I feel a little hurt and diminished by these questions. First of all why do I have to justify to anyone a decision that both my husband and I have made very carefully and considerately. And second it is my responsibility to make the best decision for the health of my child, do you think I am not smart enough to weigh all the pros and cons of both sides and make a educated decision? So why do I start feeling so guilty if someone questions my reasons for have a 3rd c-section?
I have now experienced two labours that resulted in emergency c-sections, due to heart rates dropping, fetal distress, slowed labour and various other challenges. None of these were easy choices to make and absolutely NONE of them were easy births. I not only faced physical challenges of recovery from major abdominal surgery but I also struggled with months of doubt and feelings that I was not a real woman if I couldn't have a child naturally. This was a huge struggle for me with both sections and something that I know other who have had vaginal births seem perplexed by. Feeling like a failed somehow that one of the most amazing jobs I have as a woman I failed to accomplish and had to take the easy way out. It has literally taken me years to come to grips with this and no matter how many times I tell myself "it doesn't matter how they got here, as long as they are healthy" it still feels like it matters and it still feels like a scarlet letter on my womanhood.
Would I love to have a natural birth, Yes! A hundred times yes, but do I feel right about putting my health and my unborn babies health at risk again, no. There is no medical reason for my poor labours, you could blame it on doctors, or nurses or my inability to cope or a myriad of other things, goodness know I have. But the truth is as much as I would love to have a natural birth the risk of another EMERGENCY makes me sick. You may not understand this and perhaps you would make a different choice, that is ok, and I am ok. By the grace of God this new little one will make its appearance into the world happy and healthy. Will I only have 3 kids...yes. Are my husband and I happy with this choice? Yes. Even if I had another natural birth our family would be complete. I don't believe that every family has to be or should be huge, so if you feel called to have a big family God bless you and if you feel content with two kids God bless you too. Why do we have to do so much judging?
We should all be making the choices that we feel are best for us and our family, not based on someone else opinion but on what we feel God leading us to. This coming from a person who loves to give her opinion.
I still have to tell my chiropractor that I am having a section and I am pretty sure he is one of those people I am going to have defend our decision to, but we are not making this decision lightly or without a lot of thought and prayer, so I have to walk forward with confidence, despite what others may think is best.
I have this personality flaw...it is call talking...well actually it is spouting off an opinion without thinking about what I am actually saying or how it may sound to the other person and this opinion is often a negative one to which has been spoken by the other person. This is a problem, my husband has called me on it most, but other friends have too, so it is something that I have been trying to work on, not always successfully. However, it has made me more aware of it when other do this same thing to me and I don't like it.
So here is the reason for writing this post...
My husband and I have decided to have an scheduled c-section for this birth. And as soon as I write that I can hear what could possibly be going through the minds of some people:
"Have you thought about a v-bac?"
"I know of women who have sucessfully had a narutal birth after 2 previous sections.
"A natural birth is safer maybe you should try again?"
"You know they won't let you have any more kids after 3 section?"
"A c-section is just easier birth."
"You just need a doula."
I have answers to all of these questions and more but the truth of the matter is that I feel a little hurt and diminished by these questions. First of all why do I have to justify to anyone a decision that both my husband and I have made very carefully and considerately. And second it is my responsibility to make the best decision for the health of my child, do you think I am not smart enough to weigh all the pros and cons of both sides and make a educated decision? So why do I start feeling so guilty if someone questions my reasons for have a 3rd c-section?
I have now experienced two labours that resulted in emergency c-sections, due to heart rates dropping, fetal distress, slowed labour and various other challenges. None of these were easy choices to make and absolutely NONE of them were easy births. I not only faced physical challenges of recovery from major abdominal surgery but I also struggled with months of doubt and feelings that I was not a real woman if I couldn't have a child naturally. This was a huge struggle for me with both sections and something that I know other who have had vaginal births seem perplexed by. Feeling like a failed somehow that one of the most amazing jobs I have as a woman I failed to accomplish and had to take the easy way out. It has literally taken me years to come to grips with this and no matter how many times I tell myself "it doesn't matter how they got here, as long as they are healthy" it still feels like it matters and it still feels like a scarlet letter on my womanhood.
Would I love to have a natural birth, Yes! A hundred times yes, but do I feel right about putting my health and my unborn babies health at risk again, no. There is no medical reason for my poor labours, you could blame it on doctors, or nurses or my inability to cope or a myriad of other things, goodness know I have. But the truth is as much as I would love to have a natural birth the risk of another EMERGENCY makes me sick. You may not understand this and perhaps you would make a different choice, that is ok, and I am ok. By the grace of God this new little one will make its appearance into the world happy and healthy. Will I only have 3 kids...yes. Are my husband and I happy with this choice? Yes. Even if I had another natural birth our family would be complete. I don't believe that every family has to be or should be huge, so if you feel called to have a big family God bless you and if you feel content with two kids God bless you too. Why do we have to do so much judging?
We should all be making the choices that we feel are best for us and our family, not based on someone else opinion but on what we feel God leading us to. This coming from a person who loves to give her opinion.
I still have to tell my chiropractor that I am having a section and I am pretty sure he is one of those people I am going to have defend our decision to, but we are not making this decision lightly or without a lot of thought and prayer, so I have to walk forward with confidence, despite what others may think is best.
Sounds complicated, hope the birth went ok X
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