Who Said I Had To Be Super Mom?

I do not own a super hero costume, I don't believe I have any real superpowers (even though I commented to a friend recently that I never use my super powers when others are looking because they might get jealous), I often cause more chaos then I prevent. But somewhere out there is this belief, mostly believed by women, that we are supposed to be able to do everything right and preform feats only capable by that elusive character "Super Mom". This being said while I couldn't even get my load of laundry to balance on spin cycle in my archaic Kenmore washing machine (I don't own one of those superdupper, fancy washing machines that pretty much loads itself and folds for you too, like most of the women I know....no that's not jealousy at all....and no that wasn't sarcasm either! :) Anyway as I was trying to rearrange my soaking wet laundry so that stopped banging the tub on the spin cycle, and not having much luck, I was thinking back to a conversation my husband and I had had the other day about us woman and our need to do everything ourselves and not bother letting others help us when help is offered. 

I have thought of a few reasons why we allow the Super Mom syndrome to invade our homes: 

#1 Guilt

Now I know that this may not true for every woman, but there are many of us out there who take our role and responsibilities as the wife and mother to an extreme.  I know there have been times when someone has helped me out, whether is was my mom cleaning my kitchen, my husband kicking me out of the house by myself and putting the kids to bed for me, or even something as little as allowing someone to bring a salad or desert to a big family dinner and I feel GUILTY! Like I am slacking and by allowing someone else to do MY JOB I am somehow letting someone down... because we all know that if I really was a "good" mom I should have been able to make a 5 course meal, make sure my house sparkling clean from top to bottom, have children who never scream or misbehave and should never have to "burden" my husband with the responsibility of watching the children while I take some mommy time (because I shouldn't need mommy time). I know this sounds silly but I know I have felt it and I am sure others have too. That guilt that were are somehow failing because we have allowed other to help us do a job that of course every woman should be able to do easily without help...hmm.

#2 Inconvenience 

Lets be honest explaining to our husbands how to do something with the kids can sometimes be a long arduous task in and of itself. Most men need step by step instructions as child care does not come as naturally for them as it does for women. As a result it sometimes feels like they are just being stupid and don't really want to help so we just end up doing it ourselves because it is just faster and easier then walking them through it. 

This is one of the things my husband and I were talking about because we had had some friends visiting last weekend and I was asked several times if they could help with anything and more often then not I said "No, I think I have it under control" and I realized afterwards that is wasn't that I didn't want help or that I couldn't have used the help it was just faster for me to do it myself then to stop for 5 minutes and think about what things could be delegated. (How silly) I couldn't be bothered to just stop and think about what I could have let them do. Really it isn't that hard for us as women to take a few minutes and let someone else in on our "plan" it will make our lives easier in the long run, it just take more brain power to think of what someone else can do then it does to just do it ourselves...I find that kind of funny :) 

#3 That's not how I do it!

Another reason we as women simply can't be bothered to let anyone help us is because they may do things differently then we do them. I am a fairly habitual person, if I find something that works and is it efficient I will do it that way forever. But my husband just simply sees the world differently and as a result will do thing differently. There are times when the way my husband does things just seems so wrong. Not what he is doing but how and I have to constantly remind myself not to say anything, (I am still not very good at not saying something) and remind myself it really doesn't matter how it is done, but that it is done. Like folding laundry...

I have been pondering this thought and in the area of kids. I have always tried hard to keep my husband in the loop about the "methods" I have used with our kids so that we are on the same page and even though he may approach that "method" in a different way it is not a bad thing. We are both trying to accomplish the same goal. And shock of all shock he might actually find a method that works better then what I have been trying. It also allows him to create his own special things with the kids not my preset ideas.

Most men want to be involved in parenting with us the question I raise is are we letting them? Do I too often find myself 'single-parenting' and allowing "Super-mom" (or not so super-mom in the long run) take over and not allowing anyone else to help, or not taking the time (and yes sometimes many times) to help teach my husband how to do something, and am I so stuck in how "I always do it" that my husband and my kids father never gets the chance to try his own way once in a while.

These were just my thoughts for the day and as I am sure that the next Avengers movie is not going to add me as their new super hero "Super Mom", I will just have to learn to let go of my pride and expectations and be willing to teach and share the joys and chores of parenting and life with those around me who love me and want to help.