The Day I Lost Control
Well the last few weeks have been quite a whirlwind around our house and today leaves me feeling like it is finally time to pick up the pieces and get our little home back in order. Here is a bit of a recap:
About 2 weeks ago my husband phones me from work and says "I am leaving for Whitehorse in an hour or two. Can you pack my bag." Now although this phone call is quite possible in his line of work it really doesn't happen that often to us; so it caught me a little off guard but I was also excited for him to get to go on this little adventure as he has spent most of the winter in the shop. So off he went and a short while later I actually found out he was headed for Eagles Plain, YK about 50km south of the Arctic Circle....only about 900km away from Whitehorse :) So off he went and we survived a week of his absence. (It felt soooo much longer) I know I am soft because so many women I know go much longer then that without their husbands and on a regular basis (not to mention I have the help and support of a mom living across the street and other grandparents and family close as well).
However, while my husband was gone I was taking our 3 year old to see the Urologist. It looked like he was going to need a circumcision. This was not an appointment or decision that I was happy doing myself but what could I do but pull up my big-girl panties and do it. As a result of this appointment we found out that it was medically necessary for him to be circumcised, it was just the way he was born and no he would not grow out of it (it would actually only get worse the older he got) Yikes! This was the Friday after my husband had left and I knew he wasn't going to be home for at least another week if not longer. So when the hospital called to book his surgery and said that they could get him in Easter Monday I will admit I panicked a little bit, what if my husband didn't make it home by then?
Long story short, my husband made it home well before the Monday, and we had a great weekend with our family celebrating Easter. And we made to through surgery well. Our little guy took it like a champ and has done really well considering.
This has been such a test of trust for me. We didn't circumcise him as a baby just out of preference, no major religious or medical reason, but I think that when this happened I felt like my right to chose was taken away. I don't like to lose control. This was the way he was born and I am thankful we found it when he was so young instead of 7 or 8 or heaven forbid a teenager or adult. I am realizing that the biggest feeling I had was a lose of control. But seriously, this is nothing compared to what some parents go through medically with their kids. So far we have been extremely blessed with healthy kids and although this was a big deal it wasn't overly serious (besides the fact that it was surgery and that always leaves you a little concerned). I have to rest in the fact that God knows best. He was the one who created Zach and I trust that He knows everything that Zach needs better then I do...but it is just this darn lack of control.
Trust....it is such a small, simple word but carries with it such huge implications. Having trust means letting go, giving up control and in so many cases allowing God to do what is best.
"For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
We are on the road to recovery and I know that things are only going to get better now. Now the challenge is for me to come to grips with the changes and once again and everyday trust God that He is so infinitely wiser then me and that trusting Him for the health and safety of my family is so much more effective then trying to control it all myself. If it was up to me I would make sure that my children never got hurt or felt pain but it is through those challenges that God develops character and shows His faithfulness
So here's to Spring, here's to trusting God with these little lives He has blessed us with and here's to developing character even when it can be difficult.
About 2 weeks ago my husband phones me from work and says "I am leaving for Whitehorse in an hour or two. Can you pack my bag." Now although this phone call is quite possible in his line of work it really doesn't happen that often to us; so it caught me a little off guard but I was also excited for him to get to go on this little adventure as he has spent most of the winter in the shop. So off he went and a short while later I actually found out he was headed for Eagles Plain, YK about 50km south of the Arctic Circle....only about 900km away from Whitehorse :) So off he went and we survived a week of his absence. (It felt soooo much longer) I know I am soft because so many women I know go much longer then that without their husbands and on a regular basis (not to mention I have the help and support of a mom living across the street and other grandparents and family close as well).
However, while my husband was gone I was taking our 3 year old to see the Urologist. It looked like he was going to need a circumcision. This was not an appointment or decision that I was happy doing myself but what could I do but pull up my big-girl panties and do it. As a result of this appointment we found out that it was medically necessary for him to be circumcised, it was just the way he was born and no he would not grow out of it (it would actually only get worse the older he got) Yikes! This was the Friday after my husband had left and I knew he wasn't going to be home for at least another week if not longer. So when the hospital called to book his surgery and said that they could get him in Easter Monday I will admit I panicked a little bit, what if my husband didn't make it home by then?
Long story short, my husband made it home well before the Monday, and we had a great weekend with our family celebrating Easter. And we made to through surgery well. Our little guy took it like a champ and has done really well considering.
This has been such a test of trust for me. We didn't circumcise him as a baby just out of preference, no major religious or medical reason, but I think that when this happened I felt like my right to chose was taken away. I don't like to lose control. This was the way he was born and I am thankful we found it when he was so young instead of 7 or 8 or heaven forbid a teenager or adult. I am realizing that the biggest feeling I had was a lose of control. But seriously, this is nothing compared to what some parents go through medically with their kids. So far we have been extremely blessed with healthy kids and although this was a big deal it wasn't overly serious (besides the fact that it was surgery and that always leaves you a little concerned). I have to rest in the fact that God knows best. He was the one who created Zach and I trust that He knows everything that Zach needs better then I do...but it is just this darn lack of control.
Trust....it is such a small, simple word but carries with it such huge implications. Having trust means letting go, giving up control and in so many cases allowing God to do what is best.
"For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:9
We are on the road to recovery and I know that things are only going to get better now. Now the challenge is for me to come to grips with the changes and once again and everyday trust God that He is so infinitely wiser then me and that trusting Him for the health and safety of my family is so much more effective then trying to control it all myself. If it was up to me I would make sure that my children never got hurt or felt pain but it is through those challenges that God develops character and shows His faithfulness
So here's to Spring, here's to trusting God with these little lives He has blessed us with and here's to developing character even when it can be difficult.
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